I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
