dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
