just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
