I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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