I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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