I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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