I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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