i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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