Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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