before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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