Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
