Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
nutella sex= disaster
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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