Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
