grandma shit on top of the toilet
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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