You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
