And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize