remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the condom got lost in my hair
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
