Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize