I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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