Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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