my room smells like sperm. sweet.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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