i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
