The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
