Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
