Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
