I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize