actually, I'm a sock model
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
