I have demons in me.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
