he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
