so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
