1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
