do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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