Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
