Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
