I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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