Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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