I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
