I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize