My hand turned me down
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
