i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
