everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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