So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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