You're so nebulous sometimes
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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