i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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