while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
