marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
