You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
