I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
