Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?

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(314): View more from Missouri

I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day

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(518): View more from New York

If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness

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(248): View more from Michigan

I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk

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(260): View more from Indiana

As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home

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(313): View more from Michigan

Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.

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(586): View more from Michigan

My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.

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