Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
