I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
