You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
