I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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