there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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