You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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