Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
