break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
