Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
