I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize