So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
