I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
