You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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