If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
