based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
