One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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