about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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