You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize