I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
