there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I didn't notice because vodka
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
