6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
