Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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