I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
