either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
