I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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