Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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