Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
