now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
This is the high leading the old right now
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize