He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
