Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Enjoy the penises
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
