I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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