Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
