She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
