So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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