How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize