I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
