we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
