if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
