hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
