Having a random hookup so left but love u
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
