My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
