I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
