Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
