ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
