i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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