He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
