We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
