Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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