She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Panties = found
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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