i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
