i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
