I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
