I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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