Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
