I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
