tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
