so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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