so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
