The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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