I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
