yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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