I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
And the cops told us we were all naked.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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