I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
