batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
