Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sorry about my life...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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