Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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