dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
